BWAHAHA 10/11 – 10/17:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 10/11 – 10/17: I’m on the road in Pittsburgh this week. Mostly bored off my ass since the techs have everything under control and I’m here only because the contract requires a project manager on site. So I sit in my hotel room on conference calls all day… staring out the window at Pittsburgh, well, at least I think it’s Pittsburgh, because it looks like the set to The Walking Dead or The Last of Us.

OTHER STUFF:

Lightning captured with cell phone camera.

If they ever make Dr. Who a woman, they’ll have to rename it to Dr. Who-Ha.

If you’re a hippie, please don’t stand in front of the fan. Now the entire room smells like B.O. and patchouli.

I brought the obligatory chocolate pudding to the season premier of #TheWalkingDead

Older woman pulling into the oil change Bay next to me almost drove into the hole. The mechanic was screaming at her.

I feel like the theme music from JAWS should be playing as this line approaches.

FoodValu, where the employees are still in high school and the customers have already purchased plots at the cemetery.

Watching the Ebola patient drive through Atlanta reminds me of the OJ Chase, except the woman’s not dead, yet.

The idiocy being said regarding Ebola is hyperEbolic! The only thing airborne is fear-mongering and ignorance: that shit’s contagious!

Critical Eye Podcast E045: Fifth Annual Halloween Show – It’s a Scary World Outside

My hotel room last night smelled of BO. I was worried it was me. Now I know it’s the housekeeper who stink. #DeodorantSavesLives

At least my hotel room has a great view of local artwork. #Pittsburgh

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

Tweakin’ ULY55E55 #HipHopBooks @midnight

The Drake Gatsby #HipHopBooks @midnight

Travi$ Scott Fitzgerald #HipHopBooks @midnight

Brave New World Boyz #HipHopBooks @midnight

The Soulja and the Fury #HipHopBooks @midnight

Trey Sons and Lovers #HipHopBooks @midnight

Sean Wington of the Dove #HipHopBooks @midnight

Tender is the Dizzy Wright #HipHopBooks @midnight

The Good Soulja #HipHopBooks @midnight

Lord of the Plies #HipHopBooks @midnight

The RainBow Wow #HipHopBooks @midnight

Wale Fire #HipHopBooks @midnight

Mally Malltese Falcon #HipHopBooks @midnight

Gucci Mane Street #HipHopBooks @midnight

The French Montana Lieutenant’s Woman #HipHopBooks @midnight

From Here to Eminem #HipHopBooks @midnight

The Magnififtycent Ambersons #HipHopBooks @midnight

Diary of Anne Frank Ocean #HipHopBooks @midnight

The T-Painted Bird #HipHopBooks @midnight

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Thug Man #HipHopBooks @midnight

The Hunt for Red Café October #HipHopBooks @midnight

Stranger In a Strange Timbaland #HipHopBooks @midnight

Guilty Pleasure P #HipHopBooks @midnight

The Big Boi Sleep #HipHopBooks @midnight

Swizz Family Robinson #HipHopBooks @midnight

Hip Hop on Pop #HipHopBooks @midnight

Crapple: for all your compooting needs #RuinTechnology @midnight

Praydar: like Gaydar, but for homophobes #RuinTechnology @midnight

Sacuum Cleaner: Suck your testicles clean. #RuinTechnology @midnight

Brobots: Artificial Bromance #RuinTechnology @midnight

Hearing AIDS #RuinTechnology @midnight

Iron Lung: When you’re too tired to breathe #RuinTechnology @midnight

Penichillin: killing bacteria… one sofa at a time #RuinTechnology @midnight

Artificial Life: Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr, Snapchat, Google+, Twitter, etc. #RuinTechnology @midnight

Scotch Tape: When you’re too drunk to hold the tumbler #RuinTechnology @midnight

Electric Blanket: When your boyfriend’s not hot enough #RuinTechnology @midnight

Nuclear Feareactor: Because the word nuclear is scary #RuinTechnology @midnight

Napalm: Self-warming lubricant #RuinTechnology @midnight

Transistors: Like a sistor, but also like a brother #RuinTechnology @midnight

Holograms: When your dealer cuts the cocaine with baking soda #RuinTechnology @midnight

Artificial Intelligence, AKA Teleprompter #RuinTechnology @midnight

Solar Cell: Even inmates deserve a little sunshine in their lives #RuinTechnology @midnight

Endorscope: Mouthwash for Ewoks #RuinTechnology @midnight

Microchip: Satan’s gateway drug #RuinTechnology @midnight

Artificial Heart: Fake feelings endorsed by sociopaths everywhere #RuinTechnology @midnight

Floppy Disc: A little Viagra and you’ve got a Hard Disk #RuinTechnology @midnight
When it lasts longer than four hours it’s a Solid State Drive

Barcodes: Don’t touch hands in the bowl of peanuts #RuinTechnology @midnight

In Vitro Fertilisation: why throw away a perfectly good turkey baster? #RuinTechnology @midnight

Superconductor Casey Jones #RuinTechnology @midnight

Cryogenics: So you can be an asshole in the future, too #RuinTechnology @midnight

Smart Swatch: Like the 80’s, but smarter #RuinTechnology @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Because fuck the homeless.

Pietrov was perplexed as to why the officer thought he stole the pumpkins.

Even trees deserve a place to sit down and relax now and then.

Dammit, outdone by the Jones’ again!

Every car should come with an emergency exit ladder.

Is anyone going to tell Carlos that his head is on fire?

Suicide clown?

Someone needs to let Dorothy know she looks like a 1960’s vagina.

“What accident? Me? I’m just sitting here smoking a cigarette.” #PersonOfInterest

BWAHAHA: 6/21 – 6/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 6/21 – 6/27: I spent another week on the road. This time I had my CB installed. Listening to truckers talk politics can make one’s head spin around Exorcist style. While stuck in a construction brake-check and highway crawl, the truckers started going on and on about how we needed Bush back in the office so he could solve the current crisis in Iraqi and how Obama was fucking it all up. Yeah, because Bush totally fixed that shit during the time he was in office. Not to mention, wasn’t it Bush that put us there and kicked over the game board in the first place? It never ceases to amaze me how facts simply fail to enter the minds of ultra-conservatives. How can someone believe so strongly in an ideology that they simply ignore contradictory facts or dismiss them as conspiracy? And that’s not just a conservative issue. My fellow liberals have the same issue to deal with when it comes to things like “organic” food, anti-GMO hysteria, anti-vaccination nonsense, etc. The world is a stupid place: hence comedy.

Now I’m off to a week vacation in the Ozarks (thanks to my Dad for staying at my house while I’m gone). I’ll get to canoe down rivers and enjoy the mountains. I’ll also get to meet my girlfriend’s entire family for the first time. Not just her parents: her entire family. At once. At the same time. Someone hold me…

OTHER STUFF

I guess it’s time to start wearing these t-shirts again…

Or maybe I’ll wear this t-shirt instead…

My hotel room is ridiculous. I feel like I should be hosting a party or a meeting.

Laptops are so overrated at McDonald’s! #SeniorLiving

My new article in The Rocket Wrangler: Huntsville Hospital’s Medical Mall Weighs TV Options After FOX News Fight

Just gonna watch the world burn! Italian landfill was allowed to burn because it would create more space. 1994. #TBT

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Some people like to go on a pubcrawl, but I really love me some pubstep!

The North Alabama Storm Chasers Association is one R word away from being 100% ‘Bama.

Me, “What’s the difference between the small and large cheese dip?”
Waitress, “The size.”
Yep, we’ll get along just fine.

I was going to make a storm chasing logo with STORMIN’ and two lightning bolt symbols, then realized people might mistake me for a Nazi.

Vacation starts in 8 hours. By vacation I mean working from the Ozarks. By Ozarks I mean 15 miles north of WalMart HQ. By that I mean Hell.

CAPTION CENTRAL

We should do this when we go to Atlanta next time so we’ll have plenty of spare tires.

Some local governments take their library books entirely too seriously.

I wonder why only men are taking this art class? Or is it an OB/GYN training session?

I don’t believe that sluts exist, but in this case I might have to make an exception. #OverBillionsServed

Again… always be aware of your surroundings.

If you’re going to tag someone’s car in anger, at least spell the damn word right!

The Not-So-Smartcar.

I guess what they say is true, “Everyone wants to rule the Iron Throne,” even the Queen Mum.

Last known photo taken of Bill.