20130131 News from the Week

An F-22 pilot flew a boy’s letter to his dead father “close to heaven:” I didn’t realize the ISS was heaven.

Magnitude 6.0 earthquake hits off Alaska coast: no reports of damage except to Sarah Palin’s view of Russia.

Study: fewer Americans count on retiring by 65. I think most figure they’ll be dead by then.

Oregon Christmas bomb plot suspect found guilty of terrorism: now wishes he had tried to bomb Hanukkah instead.

Woman in Brooklyn ER molested by another patient, say authorities. ER Nurse said, “Guess it was busier in here than we thought.”

Miami cop arrested for armed sexual battery, regrets not using his legs.

Styrofoam from Japan tsunami causing fears for Alaska wildlife after polar bear press release states they prefer plastic.

Couple faces charges after nursing injured deer back to health. When confronted with charges, man gasps, “Oh, doe is me!”

Applebee’s waitress fired after posting pastor’s tip on Facebook: because getting a waitress fired is exactly what Jesus would do!

Study: one in four Americans think God helps decide the outcome of football games. Does that include when their team loses?

Study: your wife or girlfriend stars in 20 percent of your dreams. Does the gay lover star in the other 80%.