BWAHAHA 3/14 – 3/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/14 – 3/20: I had a really awesome birthday. I didn’t want a birthday party and just asked my friends to come over and play Karaoke Against Humanity with me. But they brought me presents and made it awesome anyway. I got plenty of hot stuff, some alcohol, and goodies, and I got this amazing handmade figurine of me made by my friend Cory. It’s fucking awesome (pic below)! What is Karaoke Against Humanity you ask? Well, you play Cards Against Humanity like normal, but the reader chooses the worst card (in addition to the winning card) and the person who played that card has to sing a random karaoke song to the rest of the players. The way I do it is I pick “songs everyone should know” based on several lists and compile them into a numbered file and then the loser has to pick a random number out of a bowl and sing that number. No one knows what you’re going to sing until it appears on the screen. Don’t know the song? Too fucking bad… just make that shit up.

OTHER STUFF:

  • My friend Cory made this for me for my birthday. The details are amazing, from my hanging wallet, to the EBM graphic tee, glasses, and my "gay Jesus stance." Cory, I love 'ya man!

    My friend Cory made this for me for my birthday. The details are amazing, from my hanging wallet, to the EBM graphic tee, glasses, and my “gay Jesus stance.” Cory, I love ‘ya man!

  • Caught a vendor selling fake gems at the Rock & Gem show. UGH, what a rock tease!
  • 20150316b

    Good, now I can post this picture on Facebook without having to worry about being banned.

  • The IRS mileage rate is now $0.575/mile. Might be time for a trip somewhere…
  • 20150317b

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Osmosis: When you lose a couple of pounds listening to Marie Osmond talk about NutriSystem. #NewDefinitions
  • I guess we got tired of just zombies getting killed and were like, let’s kill humans tonight. ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬
  • Only the good die young. ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬ ‪#‎RIPNoah‬
  • Interstellar would have been a better movie if the wormhole went to ‪#‎Poopiter‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • No one told Tigger that bouncing was illegal in Thailand. Tigger done bounced too far this time!

    No one told Tigger that bouncing was illegal in Thailand. Tigger done bounced too far this time!

BWAHAHA 3/7 – 3/13

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/7 – 3/13: I was at a Mexican restaurant earlier this week eating their awesome lunch buffet. This restaurant is in what is considered to be the “rural” area of Huntsville. Within a mile of my house is shopping centers, million dollar homes, meth labs, cattle ranches, cotton fields, horse ranches, and trailer parks. So you never really know who you’re going to come across when spending the day among the natives. The table behind me were racists. I don’t mean the accidental or ignorant kind: I mean the Dixie brand wearing, Confederate flag waving, Garth Brooks worshiping, goin’ muddin’, engine and washing machine in the front yard, momma’s a meth head, mean spirited, and hateful kinda racists. I mean, being a racist and having a racist conversation is bad enough, but when you feel empowered enough to have that conversation so loud that everyone in the section can hear you? Well, that’s just a whole new level of bad. During their conversation I learned that there are more black racists than white racists. I also learned that blacks don’t want equality, but special treatment (Is that at least a small recognition that black people currently don’t have equality? Nah, they’re not smart enough for that level of thinking). Let’s see, what else did I learn from the racists adjacent to me. I learned that it’s not really a black or white thing, per se, but an interracial thing (gosh, if only those black people kept to themselves and left us white folks alone!). But then the best thing happened. One of the women there started talking about how her mom was from Guam (you know, not white) and that her name used to be Torres, but she changed it so people wouldn’t think she’s a dirty Mexican (Fuck them, but their food is amazing! Am I right?!). Did her friends freak out and suddenly demand that this horrible impure mudblood leave the pure white American flag waving table? Nope. I guess it’s okay to be not 100% white as long as you have enough hatred in you to fit in with the rest of the morons you’re hanging out with.

When your close friends wish you happy birthday, that means something. Right? When you family wishes you a happy birthday, that means something as well. Right? Thanks to social networking sites, no one has to actually remember when your birthday is anymore: even your family. Everyone is reminded that it’s your birthday. What that means is that instead of saying “thanks” to the fifteen people who are routinely a part of my life, I’m now saying “thanks” to 500+ people who feel the need to type “Happy Birthday” because Facebook fucking told them it was my birthday. Let’s not mention the fact that the last time we even talked on Facebook was last year when you wished me Happy Birthday and I replied, “Thanks!” Just like this year. Facebook and other social media sites that remind everyone when it’s your birthday, have made birthdays annoying. I think I’m going to hide my birthday on Facebook. Then again, if I did that, my family and best friends would forget about it… On the awesome side, my girlfriend gave me a Vape Cake!

Awesome Vape Cake! ClouporT8, with Nautilus tank, two batteries, and a bottle of Mother's Milk and VG.

Awesome Vape Cake! Cloupor T8, with Nautilus tank, two batteries, and a bottle of Mother’s Milk and VG.

OTHER STUFF:

  • I’ve discovered a Hipster hive. If I find the queen Hipster, I’ll kill her and save humanity. Wish me luck, I’m going in!
  • They were even worse than Hipsters… they were Hippisters: dreadlocks & patchouli with Abercrombie from a Thrift Store!!!!
  • And the seal opened and voices cried in woe and there was a great gnashing of teeth as the trumpet blaired. ‪#‎IFarted‬
  • Birthdays are annoying when no one remembers and equally annoying when everyone remembers.
  • My yard is farting. The ground is so saturated, the septic tank has nowhere to go, so the gases bubble up the surface and ‪#‎ChemicalAttack‬

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Sasha be like, “Pft, white people.” ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎deadbuzz‬
  • Advice from Twitter? Perfect! ‪#‎GoodAdviceIn4Words‬
  • Wipe first, pants second. ‪#‎GoodAdviceIn4Words‬
  • Porcupines make horrible pillows. ‪#‎GoodAdviceIn4Words‬
  • Puppies are like veal. ‪#‎GoodAdviceIn4Words‬
  • Bob’s better in marinade. ‪#‎GoodAdviceIn4Words‬ ‪#‎TWD‬

BWAHAHA 2/21 – 2/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/21 – 2/27: I guess all that panic was worth it since Snowmageddon actually happened here in Alabama. Average snowfall for my area was 7.75″ with some places reporting over 9″. In my backyard we got 7.67″ (based on the average of five measurements on a large flat non-grass & non-concrete surface). That’s a lot of snow for Alabama. Our personal record at our house was 11.96″ back in 2011. The record for Huntsville was set in the 60’s at 17.1″. Craziness!!!! I’ll put up a blog entry for my storm chasing that day. And now we’ll likely get some more ice and snow this coming Wednesday and Thursday. Well, I guess we had it coming since we started issuing gay marriage licenses. <evil grin>

This week brought me a ray of happiness and sunshine as Jimmy did this on his show. One of the things that pisses me off the most is anti-vaxxers who espouse their ignorance every day and cause more and more people to fall for their claptrap, thus reducing herd immunity and bringing back diseases we had practically eliminated thanks to vaccines. So to see this on a mainstream show put a giant grin on my face. Way to go Jimmy!!!!

Then I found this gem. I don’t know how I missed this back in 2008, but I’m happy I found it today.

OTHER STUFF:

  • This storm is taking forever to get here. From 0300 to 0900 and now extended again. If it sits over us as long as it sat over Texas, we could see inches on the higher side of the “possible.” Or it’ll just fucking rain.
  • C'mon... you can do it! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! My laughter will be covering up tears if it just frickin' rains here.

    C’mon… you can do it! C’mon! C’mon! C’mon! My laughter will be covering up tears if it just frickin’ rains here.

  • If you work out of the home, a “snow day” don’t mean a damn thing. Enjoy your day off assholes! ;)
  • A lot of people are talking about their sexual exploits from last night on social media. We don’t care how many inches you got last night!
  • “I’ve noticed that about your people, Doctor. You find it easier to understand the death of one than the death of a million.” ‪#‎RIPSpock

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Momma said knock you out, Rick gonna knock you out! ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎deadbuzz‬
  • Wait... now I'm confused, is the ISIS Flag black and white or gold and blue? #TheDress

    Wait… now I’m confused, is the ISIS Flag black and white or gold and blue? #TheDress

  • Look at these gold-colored starving children! ‪#‎TheDress‬

    Look at these gold-colored starving children! ‪#‎TheDress‬

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

  • Playing Chicken With Doing Dishes ‪#‎RoommatesIn5Words‬ @midnight
  • Oh, rents due? My bad. ‪#‎RoommatesIn5Words‬ @midnight
  • What is that fucking smell? ‪#‎RoommatesIn5Words‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • That's the appropriate level of security for those toys.

    That’s the appropriate level of security for those toys.

  • Oh look, the bathroom comes with an atheist baby changing station! (Mmm... BBQ baby!)

    Oh look, the bathroom comes with an atheist baby changing station! (Mmm… BBQ baby!)

  • It's cool 'til a drunk person stumbles and impales themselves. Of course, if it's a good party, no one will notice.

    It’s cool ’til a drunk person stumbles and impales themselves. Of course, if it’s a good party, no one will notice.