BWAHAHA 1/31 – 2/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/31 – 2/6: Mostly a boring week for me. I have no car since my windshield is still shattered from the basketball goal that fell on it, so I’m a captive in my own home. But since I don’t have any money thanks to a giant electric bill, that’s probably a good thing. Hey, at least I’m kicking ass on Skyrim (playing from scratch for the tenth time).

I’m still disappointed in the Seahawks’ Super Bowl loss. I don’t care how many times the coach explains why he chose to throw the ball, it was still a bad call when you had at least one more down (barring any penalties on the Pat’s side) to try to get Marshawn (or at least a QB sneak) that one fucking yard! What’s done is done, sure, but fuck the Patriots.

OTHER STUFF:

  • Coming down from the DJ booth, I missed the last step and fell. I’m so gonna feel it in the morning. #ClubLife
  • Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?

    Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?

  • If you’re a Christian, shouldn’t you support gay marriage? After all, the more gay couples getting married, the sooner Jesus will come back!
  • More people are flying their own drones, so UFO reports should go up. And a UFO report is just admitting your inability to ID the common. Like this drone, it’s sure to get some UFO reports.
  • Feeling brave? I can legally perform marriages in the state of Alabama.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • I’m in a room full of 13 men all hoping for a Katy Perry wardrobe malfunction. #SB49
  • Katy Perry is wearing a flaming Hunger Games dress. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Those Beach balls are not deflated. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • When did Missy Elliott become a NASCAR driver? #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Wow, look at all those blue balls on the field. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Man that sucks, but at least we got a UFC fight at the end. #SB49
  • There is only one question I have. #WhyDidTheyThrowTheBall

@MIDNIGHT #HASSHTAGWARS:

  • Alabama jumped from 49th to 50th dumbest state #BecauseIDied @midnight
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I got a huge break on my carbon credits.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I’ll never see all of the Internet.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the cats only survived for three more weeks.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the Seattle Seahawks won the Super Bowl. Oh wait, I’m still alive.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the 2016 Republican Presidential candidate will win by one vote.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ Jesus was like, “Screw it, make ’em wait another 2,000+ years.”
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ God became an atheist.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the Cult of Namira had a week-long banquet. ‪#‎Skyrim‬
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I didn’t see Martial Law declared so that Obama could have a Third Term.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ my guns are now in less-responsible hands: the police.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ everyone attending my funeral has to listen to Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode (ironically) for two hours on loop.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I won’t see Star Wars XLIX: Red Zone Force
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I can now haunt Fred Phelps with taunts of “God hates nags.”
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I found Waldo and Carmen Sandiego: they’re sitting next to me in Hell.

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • 1. The 1 driver you'll let cut you off. 2. The 1 driver you don't want to have road rage. 3. He can run a red light.

    1. The 1 driver you’ll let cut you off. 2. The 1 driver you don’t want to have road rage. 3. He can run a red light.

  • And here I was thinking the Fast & Furious series CGI'd all their stunts.

    And here I was thinking the Fast & Furious series CGI’d all their stunts.

  • Ever since re-releasing GTA5 on PS4, shit like this has started again. GTA5 or Real Life?

    Ever since re-releasing GTA5 on PS4, shit like this has started again. GTA5 or Real Life?

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