BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/24 – 1/30: This week my girlfriend and I went out for seafood. While driving around running our errands beforehand, seafood became “anyplace that has seafood,” which after a few more hours of running around then became, “Fuck it, let’s do the Chinese buffet.” The Chinese buffet we go to has seafood on their dinner buffet. I personally can’t stand seafood. The only seafood I like is hushpuppies (you’d be amazed at how many people I have to explain that joke to). Luckily for me, most seafood places have at least a few non-seafood items on their menu. But I still have to deal with the nauseating smell. At least at a Chinese buffet the smell of the regular food does a better job of masking the seafood smell. While I’m about to get a second plate, I notice the cooks brought out some fresh crab legs. Since that’s really what my girlfriend wanted, I got them for her instead of getting my plate. While I’m standing there holding tongs (and my nose) I notice the man on the other side of the buffet bar is using his fingers to find mussels with meat in them. I’ll grant him that the meat fell out of most of the shells during the cooking process. However, if you’re smart (as in not from Alabama), instead of searching shell by shell with your fingers, why not use the fucking spoon to grab all the loose meat at the bottom of the pan? Instead, this idiot is going through all the mussels with his fingers. Later that night my friends asked me if I said anything to the staff. Nah, I’m not eating that booger looking shit, so what do I care? Besides, it probably made that shit taste better. Just one more reason to not like seafood.
One of the errands we were running that day was getting my girlfriend a laptop. We spent days looking online for deals that were not only cost effective, but actually had the right amount of processing power, memory, etc. She kept picking out $200 laptops and asking, “What about this one?” To which myself (and later a friend) both told her, “NO FUCKING WAY!” But she kept sending them to us. My friend and I both point out the perfect laptop for her. It’s $500, but on sale for $350 after instant in-store savings and a $50 mail-in rebate. Does she order it? Nope. Does she go straight to the store that has it so she can buy it in person? Nope. She runs me around all over town looking at tons of laptops that either aren’t powerful enough or are too expensive. So where do we end up going when she finally decides to actually spend the money? Yep… to the exact same place I told her to go in the first place. WOMEN!
- I used to have a built-in bench in my shower. Now I have a knee-high shelf. #WhenYourGirlfriendMovesIn
- Alcohol and Little Big Planet Coop Mode. The insanity. The laughter. It hurts!!!!!
- The twitter notification sound is really loud after midnight when trying not to wake the person sleeping next to you.
- A 5’2″ tiny Chinese woman just physically abused me for an hour. It was awesome.
- AL Judges panel reverses opinion: gay marriage okay in AL. Suddenly marriages are stopped for staff shortages. Skeptical Blair is Skeptical.
- It’s time for Chief “Justice” Roy Moore to STFU, retire, and disappear into the sunset. Roy Moore, giving Christians a bad name since 1999.
- Alabama: Get Over Yourself
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:
- #FacebookDown is like being left behind in the Rapture. Sure, it’s scary at first, but then you realize all the cool kids are still here.
- The NSA brought Facebook down because users were talking about Chemtrails causing the blizzard. I know because I removed my tinfoil hat. #FacebookDown
- #Interviewgate continues as North Korea takes down Facebook after John Miller posts a positive review on his wall. #FacebookDown
- Aeronauticalengineeringbatics #NerdierSports @midnight
- Air Bender Hockey #NerdierSports @midnight
- Aquamanathlon #NerdierSports @midnight
- Long Distance Re-Cycling #NerdierSports @midnight
- BenchWordPress #NerdierSports @midnight
- Pericardium Sac Race #NerdierSports @midnight
- Camelot Racing #NerdierSports @midnight
- RiverTamboarding #NerdierSports @midnight
- Lawnmower Man Racing #NerdierSports @midnight
- Skyrim Nordic Skiing #NerdierSports @midnight
- Capture the Flagella #NerdierSports @midnight