BWAHAHA: 8/9 – 8/15

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/9 – 8/15: What a crazy ass week! Ferguson, Missouri goes bonkers (see link in other stuff for my views), Robin Williams died, the Louisville Purge happened, and I finally fixed the toilet in the guest bathroom!

I hope you had a chance to follow #LouisvillePurge on Twitter or listen to the Louisville Metro Police Department’s scanner online. While there were plenty of concerns that the Louisville Purge was real, it became obvious rather quickly that the overwhelming majority of calls being placed to 911 were prank calls. There were a few legitimate calls, which seemed to be teenagers doing stupid shit (we’ve all been there, so don’t judge too harshly). Some of the calls were hilarious and listening to the dispatcher trying not to laugh on several of the calls was pretty comical as well. But after a while you could hear the irritation set in as they got tired of chasing down ghosts from prank callers. Yes, it was funny, but it was also fucked up, because for every prank call made to 911, that was an officer who wasn’t available for a legitimate breaking & entering, robbery, shooting (there was at least one confirmed drive-by shooting), domestic violence call, etc. No matter what was or was not done, one thing was clear: the Louisville Metro Police Department handled the situation with the utmost professionalism (further shaming the Ferguson Police Department). I’ve put my Tweets from the Louisville Purge separately below. Hopefully you followed along Friday night so you get most of the references. If you didn’t follow along Friday night, I’ll at least explain the Melman references. It was reported that a giraffe was freed from the Louisville Zoo and was roaming the streets (obviously a fake call or a troll Tweet).

OTHER STUFF

My review of Into the Storm

My blog post on Ferguson: Ferguson, Police Militarization, and Shame

Find out why Ancient Aliens is bullshit and takes advantage of your ignorance and gullibility (trust me, it’s worth the three hour video),

#TBT All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again. #Ferguson #StandStrong #FirstAmendment

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LOUISVILLE PURGE: If you didn’t follow along on Twitter and on the LMPD Scanner, then you may not get some of these references, but the rest of us were laughing our asses off all night. These are in the order that I sent them out, so they follow the events as they unfolded.

I’m torn between worrying and laughing my ass off. #LouisvillePurge #BeerAndPickles

Carrying swords and weapons. Um, you don’t bring a sword to a gunfight! #LouisvillePurge #BeerAndPickles

White male with a machete and weapons. #LouisvillePurge #BeerAndPickles #SwordsAndWeapons

Don’t know if the #LouisvillePurge is real or not? Good skepticism. So listen and make a determination.

If the #LouisvillePurge is real, the LMPD are handling it like professionals and processing calls as fast as they can.

Having sexual relations with a kitty-cat. #LouisvillePurge #Pranking911 #BeersAndPickles

“So y’all need to hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband cause they rapin’ everykitty out here.” #LouisvillePurge

All players from the Louisville Cardinals traded to Yomiuri Giants. #LouisvillePurge

Giraffe turns himself into local hospital, swearing he got sick touching the streets. #LouisvillePurge #Melman

Giraffe turns himself into local hospital, swearing he got sick touching the streets. #LouisvillePurge #Melman

It’s obvious that a lot of the 911 calls are pranks, which is fucked up, but there are legitimate calls as well. #LouisvillePurge

Oh no, now they coming for Little Caesars’ Pizza! Purge! Purge! #LouisvillePurge

Is Papa John ready for The Purge? Because Little Caesars’ Pizza is all Purge! Purge! #LouisvillePurge

It's all good, the giraffe found his way home! #LouisvillePurge #Melman

It’s all good, the giraffe found his way home! #LouisvillePurge #Melman

The only purge you get when eating Papa John’s Pizza is the purge a few hours later on the toilet. #LouisvillePurge

Apparently if all the pizza joints had handed out free pizza, there’d be no #LouisvillePurge

Never Forget! #LouisvillePurge

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Now we know who stole that beer and pickles earlier: the freed giraffe! #LouisvillePurge

Now we know who stole that beer and pickles earlier: the freed giraffe! #LouisvillePurge

No Pat Robertson, it’s not the Rapture, just the #LouisvillePurge #HideYourKitties #HideYourBeer #HideYourLittleCaesarsPizza

This whole thing was just a misunderstanding, all he wanted was a drink! #LouisvilleSurge #LouisvillePurge

This whole thing was just a misunderstanding, all he wanted was a drink! #LouisvilleSurge #LouisvillePurge

#LMPD doing a hella job chasing down all the prank calls, but starting to hear the irritation in their voices. #LouisvillePurge

Gotta purge this nasty juice from my mod! #LouisvillePurge #ForeverVaping

Gotta purge this nasty juice from my mod! #LouisvillePurge #ForeverVaping

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Bandits everywhere in the tomb, but all the urns, chests, and cabinets are still covered in treasure. #GameLogic

l’abricot: (French) – Where you take turns sleeping while running sensitive experiments overnight in the laboratory.

“They’re always angry about something. No matter what they get, they’re always angry.” Rush Limbaugh said that? Really? #Irony #CheckTheMirror

I’m the only male in my water aerobics class. Other than the instructor, I’m the skinniest person in there. #ConfidenceBuilding

Why am I still up? I’m catching up on #Ferguson on Twitter, because that’s somehow the best news source on it. #StandStrong #FirstAmendment

Lt. Louisville Surge (Matis Machisu) #WorsePokemon #LouisvillePurge @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

Join the military they said. Girls like guys in uniform they said. I'm gonna punch "they" in the face.

Join the military they said. Girls like guys in uniform they said. I’m gonna punch “they” in the face.

Madison County Schools have introduced door-to-door bus service this year.

Madison County Schools have introduced door-to-door bus service this year.

You're too young to drive and too young to drink. Did he listen? No. He did both, now he's crashed his car and life.

You’re too young to drive and too young to drink. Did he listen? No. He did both, now he’s crashed his car and life.

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Ferguson, Police Militarization, and Shame

20140814aProtect and Serve. Remember that phrase? I do. I miss it.

I’m a former LEO (Law Enforcement Officer). Granted, it was in the Navy while in Jacksonville, Florida, but that actually emphasizes a point. Even as a LEO in the Navy, I didn’t have access to the tactical equipment that police use now. I didn’t drive an APC or wear tactical gear or respond to a peaceful protest with shotguns, assault rifles, and snipers on rooftops. I responded with my badge to protect and serve my fellow sailors and their families, as well as civilians and retirees who were on the base. The militarization of our police should scare the shit out of everyone, regardless of your political affiliation.

There are good police out there. I know them. I’ve worked with them (in the Navy as a liaison for mass casualties with local law enforcement and as a civilian working in jails). There are also bad police out there. The problem is that the bad police get all the press, so we suffer what is called confirmation bias when it comes to our view of police. All we see are the bad cops on display in viral videos as they engage in police brutality, over-aggressive tactics, and generally treating the civilian population like dog shit. And so we think all police are bad because that’s all we see.

But think about this for a second. Every day the police interact with the general population thousands and thousands of times across the United States. Out of those we see an incident or hear of an incident every now and then. I wish I had the actual numbers to come up with a hard statistic/figure for the number of bad police incidents compared to the overall number of police/civilian interactions that happen without John Doe getting his head bashed in or thrown to the ground because he dared ask the police a question. Just remember to not let confirmation bias cloud your judgment. Call out bad cops, but also recognize there are good cops as well, who genuinely want to serve their communities.

That being said, mob mentality works not just for the mob protesting an injustice or rioting after a team wins the playoffs (or loses), but it also works on police. Police responding to a riot or a peaceful protest with the possibility of becoming a riot, can easily fall into the mob mentality. There’s a lot of psychology going on here, so much so that psychological studies on police have been done to determine why police behave the way they do. Ever hear the phrase “contempt of cop?”

When that mob mentality breaks out with a police force that is militarized, then we create a recipe for disaster. That disaster is playing out in Ferguson, Missouri. It is at times like these when officers with a moral compass must make a stand and speak out. It is times like these when officers in the chain of command must question the orders of their superiors. It is times like these when every officer must be aware of the psychological effect of mob mentality, “contempt of cop,” and other psychological forces that come into play to exacerbate the interaction of police and protesters and “possible rioters.”

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“All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again.” – J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

As a former LEO, as a taxpayer, as a citizen of this country, I am greatly ashamed of the behavior of the police in Ferguson, Missouri. I am greatly ashamed of the leadership in that city and county, who have decided that the best way to respond to a tragedy is to create a new one and attack the citizens of their city and county. I am greatly ashamed that nothing is being done to stop the police brutality being inflicted upon those citizens by either the Governor or the federal government. The constitutional rights of Missouri citizens are being violated and no one in government seems to give a rat’s ass about it.

It is time to end the militarization of our police forces under the idiotic guise of terrorism. Terrorists are not going to strike Ferguson, Missouri, so why does their police force have an APC? Any why the fuck are they wearing camouflage in an urban environment? We can see you guys, because your green camouflage doesn’t hide you against the brick building and the yellow-painted house.

It is also time to make sure all police are educated and trained on how to spot when mob mentality begins affecting them during crowd control situations. It is also time to train police on how not to exacerbate a situation. I was trained to deescalate a situation and to bring calm and peace whenever possible. Is that training no longer provided? Why is it so hard to realize that when you use violence against a non-violent crowd, you are going to piss them off and make them violent? It’s that fucking simple.

One more thing: the media needs to sue the hell out of Ferguson for violating the Freedom of the Press. There is enough damning evidence that the Ferguson PD actively shut down media, arrested them, shot tear gas and rubber bullets directly at media, and dismantled media equipment once the press ran away.

All of you swore an oath to uphold the laws and constitution of the United States (and the State of Missouri) and you are all failing to uphold that oath. Shame on you. Shame on you for making your fellow officers look bad. Shame on you for failing to use your moral judgment and question the illegal and unconstitutional orders handed down to you by your superiors. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

BWAHAHA: 8/2 – 8/8

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/2 – 8/8: Well this week was horrible for my normal job, but at least I finally resolved the problems by the end of the week and was able to enjoy my weekend: date night with my girlfriend, got to see a play (Bare), games with friends, mowing the lawn (I consider that a relaxing event since I ride a John Deere mower), and playing some Skyrim. We saw Into the Storm, the new tornado disaster movie (yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt). I wrote a review of the movie after seeing what I thought was some unfair criticism of the film. There’s plenty of legitimate criticisms of the film, there’s no reason to get unfair on it.

Okay, seriously, if you do not know the answer to something, then do not guess or make shit up. I read 76 comments of people guessing at what a spider was (pic posted by someone on a Facebook group) and only one guessed sort of right. Unfortunately, I’m not in the group, so I could not give this person the right answer. The spider was nephila clavipes and they are gorgeous (seriously, do a Google search for nephila clavipes). Oh, and what you call a banana spider IS NOT A FUCKING BANANA SPIDER! UGH! (BTW, this is an actual “banana spider:” Phoneutria fera)

OTHER STUFF

I hate when people guess when they don’t know. Just say, “I don’t know.” It’s OK. “I don’t know” is often a precursor to “Let’s find out!”

I made the mistake of wearing black to pick up the dog from the groomers. Now I have more hair than the dog.

The Happy Mondays were playing in the theater bathroom. The Happy Mondays! On the radio! In Huntsville, AL! Weird, yet awesome. And then to top it off, The Farm were playing inside the restaurant! Did Alabama suddenly discover music other than Top 40 crap and Country?

Going to see Into the Storm on Friday. Sure, I’ll cringe at some of the bad science, but I’m expecting to love the movie because, you know, it has tornadoes and shit in it.

My review of Into the Storm.

Yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt to see Into the Storm!

Yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt to see Into the Storm!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

The #ISS is moving at 17,144 MPH. Someone’s gonna get a speeding ticket when flying over Alabama! #CantDrive55

I feel like I should be watching CNN for over-dramatic coverage accompanied by scary graphics and music, but I’m resisting. #Iselle

Just saw two guys kissing on stage… And I didn’t get an erection, turn gay, or want to leave my girlfriend. #DisappointingGayAgenda

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle: Clingy Butt Hairs Not Included #ShartToys @midnight

Power Through It Rangers #ShartToys @midnight

LEGO Brick. #ShartToys @midnight

Battleshit #ShartToys @midnight

Pooperation #ShartToys @midnight

Razor Kick Folding Pooter #ShartToys @midnight

Deuces Wild #ShartToys @midnight

Plinkin’ Logs #ShartToys @midnight

Spelunking Barbie: With Real Guano! #ShartToys @midnight

Jem and the Meadow Muffins #ShartToys @midnight

Mousecrap #ShartToys @midnight

Loop de Poop Racers #ShartToys @midnight

#IntoTheStorm – still a better love story than #Twilight

CAPTION CENTRAL

Here I am, just mining my own business.

Here I am, just mining my own business.

I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Oh Manta!

I’m gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Oh Manta!

Flower Power.

Flower Power.

This guy should win wingman of the year award or... his wingman should be fired.

This guy should win wingman of the year award or… his wingman should be fired.

Schools Districts have asked stores for help in eliminating guns at school.

Schools Districts have asked stores for help in eliminating guns at school.

"We then grind the capitalist pigs into tasty pork substitute."

“We then grind the capitalist pigs into tasty pork substitute.”

Go rafting they said. You can get away from people and enjoy the outdoors they said.

Go rafting they said. You can get away from people and enjoy the outdoors they said.

Look, it's the adult version of the ice cream truck! Nothing better than Shopping Cart BBQ! #MmmMmmGood

Look, it’s the adult version of the ice cream truck! Nothing better than Shopping Cart BBQ! #MmmMmmGood

Into the Storm: A Review (Sort of)

Into the Storm

I watched Into the Storm Friday night in Huntsville, Alabama.

There has been a lot of criticism online about the science in Into the Storm. I do not get that criticism. If you want accurate science then watch a documentary on The Science Channel. To the critics of the science, you do realize you are watching a work of fiction, right? It’s called fiction because it’s NOT MOTHERFUCKING REAL!!!!

20140809aTo be fair, there was some accurate science in the movie (perhaps 60% or so) and some relatively accurate scenes. But again, that is irrelevant because it’s a work of fiction, as in not reality.

The cast of the movie is almost all unknown actors and actresses, except Rick’s Wife. You know, Rick’s Wife, from The Walking Dead. It’s hard to really say she’s known since everyone knows her as Rick’s Wife from The Walking Dead, who is dead and no longer on the series. She doesn’t even appear as a figment of Rick’s imagination anymore. However, given that she is an experienced actress, she did do the best acting.

Essentially this movie plays like a SyFy Original, but better than a SyFy Original. This isn’t Sharknado or Megaduck Versus Platysharktocrock. It plays like a SyFy Original because it’s all unknown actors, and you know it pretty quickly. However, that’s not really meant to be a knock of the movie: all the unknown actors do a pretty decent job. For example, when the kids are making the video before they’re about to drown, you’ll actually well up a bit if you have any decent about of humanity in you. That scene is in the trailer, so I didn’t spoil anything, so quit being a weenie and shut up.

The CGI of the tornadoes is really good. It’s so good that I have to wonder if someone didn’t invent the software for CGI tornadoes and then someone decided to make a movie around the CGI instead of the other way around. When you have this new awesome CGI effect, you have to show it off and up the ante a bit, so the tornado goes through fire and creates a firenado, which is really beautiful and looked very similar to an actual fire whirl. That also means you have to put multiple tornadoes on the ground at once, but to do that you have to violate the science and have four of them in close proximity for camera view, and science criticism begins in 3… 2… 1… (Oh shut up, you purist, and just enjoy the show). Although I have to admit, I’m still trying to figure out why this small town in Oklahoma had a major international airport with giant airplanes that could be swept into the air and explode… but I forgave them of that because it was awesome (no spoilers, that was in the trailer to you big baby).

20140809bThe movie has its funny moments and comic relief where needed (especially the redneck chasers). Most of it is timed well, some of it not, but that’s actually more than can be said about most movies that try to inject humor into drama and action.

The bottom line is that I was entertained and enjoyed myself. Maybe more so because I’m a storm chaser and likely injected a bit of confirmation bias during my viewing of it (yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt to the screening). If you want to see action, shit blow up, tornadoes, cars and buildings fly and get torn apart, and really good special effects, then watch this movie. If you’re a scientific purist who freaks out when anything is wrong in a work of MOTHERFUCKING FICTION, then you should stay home and lock yourself in your room to be safe from the real world and all forms of entertainment that violate physics. We’ll all be better off for it.

I give Into the Storm 3 out of 5 stars.

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Watch the trailer:

BWAHAHA: 7/26 – 8/1

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/26 – 8/1: This week I got to attend the roast of fellow comedian Patrick Cunningham for his birthday, which escalated from funny to hysterical (and sometimes scary) drunken shenanigans by the end of the night. I also did five minutes of open mic to celebrate his birthday. I enjoyed it as always, but I’m still happy with my decision to leave the scene and concentrate on my storm chasing.

I did some chasing this week as well, but all the cells I was going after fizzled out and I only got one crappy lightning shot. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m pretty sure Mother Nature is fucking with me on purpose.

By the way, Guardians of the Galaxy is a fucking amazing movie! If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. Definitely worth the money for the big screen experience. It was the perfect blend of comedy, action, emotion, and effects. Brilliant at every level!

OTHER STUFF

Safety first, that's always been my motto. #HeyWatchThis

Safety first, that’s always been my motto. #HeyWatchThis

 

“Tropical Storm Bertha? Yeah, whatever.” “Tropical Storm Billy? RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!” #HurricaneSexism

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

The Vaping community is the only place where someone can say, “I like sucking on a drip tip” and it not mean something negative.

I finally watched Pompeii. It was essentially 2012 meets Gladiator, but without the Arks, Bentley, airplanes, or Russians. Okay, bad comparison.

Oculus Reparo: Optometry for Wizards #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

How To Train Your Eragon #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Defense Against the Dark Side of the Force #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Alohomora: Thievery 101 #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Engorgio Reducio: Sex Ed for Wizards #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Riddikulus: Understanding the Modern GOP #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Tarantallegra: Yes, You Can Dance! #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Anapneo: First Aid for Beginners #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Thestral Tarts: Cooking With Professor Andrew Zimmern #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Darning with Dobby #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Petrificus Totalus: Advanced Sex Ed for Wizards #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

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And we wonder why America is so far down on the list of most/best educated countries…

Damn, the homophobes were right, gay marriage did lead to a woman marrying a dog!

Damn, the homophobes were right, gay marriage did lead to a woman marrying a dog!

Last night - a date which will live in infamy - the pool was suddenly and deliberately attacked by drunks of the Empire of Vacation.

Last night – a date which will live in infamy – the pool was suddenly and deliberately attacked by drunks of the Empire of Vacation.

America, #1 in prison incarceration, #36 in education. But fuck it, "WE'RE NUMBER ONE!" #MURICA #AmericanEducation

America, #1 in prison incarceration, #36 in education. But fuck it, “WE’RE NUMBER ONE!” #MURICA #AmericanEducation

It's often said, "Hate comes from ignorance." Yeah, this kind of proves that point. #MURICA #AmericanEducation (Notice the person who tried to correct the original, also spelled it wrong)

It’s often said, “Hate comes from ignorance.” Yeah, this kind of proves that point. #MURICA #AmericanEducation
(Notice the person who tried to correct the original, also spelled it wrong)