BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 5/17 – 5/23: I got nothing to write about this week because it was mostly a boring week. And anything worth mentioning… made it to Twitter, because 140 characters is exactly what you want when talking about something important.
5/17
Bob was last seen flying over a corn field in Nebraska. If you find him, please call 800-NOT-LOST.
5/18
Damn, there’s been a cure for Aspergers this whole time!
The porn industry is always looking for older women to play Catholic School girls… #CareerOpportunities
Star Trek confirmed for me that I wasn’t a racist, because I wanted to have sex with all the female aliens!
Sad drunk is masturbating hot dogs to the lingerie section of the JC Penny catalog.
Only a few more crazy people to kill. #GOT
5/19
The elephant took one look at Floridians and immediately swam back to Africa.
Grandpa’s penis pics just weren’t big enough for grandma.
A new plot twist was unveiled today for the new Transformers movie.
On the next Manswers: Girls on Trampolines on Cars on Streets. Don’t miss Trauma: Life in the ER afterward.
Toyota announces new cup holders for next 2015 models.
My GF just had her first piece of mail delivered to my house. That’s a relationship stage, right?
Wait, when did they start showing fucking on WGN? #Salem
5/20
Kim Kardashian released her new sex tape today.
Taking PRIDE a little too seriously…
Without government safety regulations, Libertarians created their own air bags.
At Kroger today a little girl at checkout told her mom, “Gipshins write in hydroglyphis.”
I guess they’re going to have to rename it the Wheel of Misfortune. #PatSajak #UnpatrioticRacists
Apparently, climate change is for white people only. #PatSajak #UnpatrioticRacists
Pat, I’d like an “F.” Can I buy a vowel? Can I get a “U,” please. #PatSajak #UnpatrioticRacists
Wait, I get it, It’s Wheel of Fortune with Vanna WHITE! #PatSajak #UnpatrioticRacists #ClimateChange
There are the women dancing to Nicki Minaj in my living room. Not sure if this is heaven or hell.
5/21
Live music for upcoming Japanese festival: “…country, Cajun, rock & roll, big band and some traditional Japanese music.” #DoingItWrong
Food for Japanese festival: “…hot dogs, hamburgers, popcorn, Cajun jambalaya, barbeque sandwiches, and Japanese Yakisoba.” #DoingItWrong
Libertarian Fire Department respond to brush fires out west.
Recently, pictures were uncovered that may reveal how the war was actually won. #ForTheRepublic
The one drawback to cleaning out Washington’s nose, is the risk of making him sneeze.
This is how the split between the Episcopalians from the Catholic Church started…
Fiat still does not understand why there is a public outcry against Fiat inbreeding.
I’m all for treating animals humanely, because they taste better that way.
5/22
The real reason The Republic lost the Battle for Endor.
Taking penis envy to an entirely new level.
John was last seen being escorted to prison, but at least he’s Internet famous now!
Just overheard at Mexican restaurant, “No white people work here. So much for affirmative action.” /facepalm
For handicapped people who like to go facing backwards.
Mom & Dad would soon regret putting Tommy & Lisa in time out.
Producers quickly realized that the movie Noah needed more CGI.
BREAKING: McDonald’s employees not helping argument for raising the minimum wage.
Most people try to get rid of their spare tire, but not Mike. Mike loves his.
I got nothing…
5/23
Tommy would live to regret his trip to a South American indigenous tribe of head shrinkers.
The Los Angeles County Public School System unveiled its new Sex Ed prop today.
After looking at their tuition bill, four graduates took inspiration from Fight Club.
Blair Scott: Synthentral 