BWAHAHA: 12/21 – 12/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 12/21 – 12/27: So I joined this dating site specifically for “big men” and found there were 500+ women in Princeton, Alabama all waiting to hear from me! Most of them posting nude pics of themselves: closeups of vaginas, all that cool stuff. But here’s the thing. Princeton, Alabama has a population of around 3,000 people. So all the single women in Princeton are on this dating site and most of them are posting explicit nude pics? Hmm, I think I’ll take what they’re smoking in that town! So obviously the site’s a fraud and I canceled my membership. When I canceled the membership I spoke to Reggie. Reggie says, “I have cancelled the REBILLING for you., this will stop further charges. An automated confirmation will be emailed to the registered email address within 24 hours.” I respond, “Thank you. I wish I had known this was a fake dating site from the beginning. What a huge waste of money. Princeton, Alabama has a population of 2,374, and apparently 500+ of the women there are on this site and like to pose naked. Yeah. Right. The site is a fraud.” Then Reggie says, “You’re welcome! Have a great day!” Gosh, thanks Reggie for completely ignoring my complaint!

12/21

All Mine!

AllMine

12/22

Shopping with my American Atheists’ sweatshirt on. The looks from Jesus’ birthday shoppers are classic.

12/23

Finally watched Elysium. Was it just me or was it District 9, Part II?

My Dad & Step-Mom are living with me now. I wonder where the hidden cameras are for the reality TV show.

12/24

500+ women from Princeton, AL (pop. 3000+) have posed nude on this dating site. I’m beginning to suspect fraud.

It’s Christmas-Who-Gives-A-Fuck Eve. So I’m listening to Journey while making Italian. Yep, totally traditional.

I had no gift wrap, so I just used an old sheet to wrap the gifts. It actually worked pretty good.

Santa finally caved to PETA fanatics and got rid of the reindeer.

SantaLoader

Given the worry over global warming, Santa now has something new for the naughty kids.

SantaDrone

Luckily, the Coast Guard was close by after Santa’s sled lost magic power and fell into the ocean.

SantaRescue

We should watch Christmas porn all day and put the X back in X-Mas. Candy canes: not just for eating.

Someone pointed out that the peppermint might burn. Well, they have peppermint and cinnamon flavored condoms and lubricants, so it can’t be any worse than that, can it?

I’m eating Oxycodone today. What is it that kids say today? YOLO, right? Or is it, “Totally radical, dude!”

Teabagger just applauded Eisenhower for creating the Interstate system. I facepalmed.

Enjoying Christmas Eve the best way, by making other people work until 8 pm.

McDonaldsChristmas

I’d like to thank this Mcdonald’s for not playing Christmas music.

The Mcdonald’s employees are fighting. Spreading Christmas cheer! You want fries with that black eye?

Mixing alcohol and oxycodone is okay, right?

12/25

Did the Zombiepocalypse happen last night? The road is empty. Oh yeah, it’s Jesus’ b’day.

Winchesterpocalypse

All the alcohol from my house in one giant cooler. Going to be a fun night!

CoolerAlcohol

Someone didn’t think this display through very well… (or did they?)

BeastlyDisplay

The moment when POF wakes you up to tell you someone favorited you, only to find out it’s another dude.

What were the city planners thinking?

BadLights

12/27

#2013beliebermemories, when I was told that he died. I was happy for minutes then realized it was a rumor. Ah, those minutes of happy bliss!

Mexican waiters making fun of the way Alabamians pronounce Mexican food, but they’re mispronouncing the mispronunciation. #LanguageBarriers

Is there a male version of #Lulu so that men can objectify women as well? Oh wait…

I’m fat, bald, & old and I got a 6.8 on #Lulu. Either women have lowered their standards or you get bonuses for being a sarcastic asshole.

Wait… Lulu says 5 girls checked me out today and 4 favorited me. Five in one day? Do women just sit around passing this app around to each other?

Torn: half of me wants to yell at women, “Stop wearing yoga pants!”; other half yells “Keep wearing them!”

I just told the waiter that I have a clue app on my phone if he needs it. He didn’t get it.

I just heard that Kevin Bacon has been charged with First Degree Murder. When Kevin Bacon commits First Degree Murder that’s really just a fancy word for suicide.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Comedy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s