BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 10/19 – 10/25: Getting closer to Halloween when all the kids empty into the streets to take candy from a stranger: you know, something we tell our kids not to do the rest of the year. Around my house there is no trick-or-treating. My area has been taken over by Trunk-Or-Treat, the Christian answer to the Satan’s holiday. I find that more dangerous than taking candy from a stranger… but that’s just me.
I’ve decided that dating is a lot like buying electronic devices.
Hot chocolate, French Vanilla creamer, and walnut brownie milkshake. Just because.
If Republicans want regulations on the vagina, then shouldn’t they put the EPA in charge of it?
I’m going to open up an automobile repair shop and call it The Carmacy.
To fuck conspiracy theorists, I’m going to open up a pharmacy and call it Big Pharma-C.
When going up a hill, there’s this thing called gravity you have to overcome: SO PUSH THE ACCELERATOR!!!!
If you’re 80 and doing 45 in a 65 and scared by the cars passing you: you shouldn’t be driving.
If you stop 100 feet short of the white line at a red light: you have a depth perception problem and shouldn’t be driving.
You really shouldn’t stand behind me. I’ve been eating chorizo & huevos for three days straight.
Necrophilia: the desire to have sex with a Republican.
And here is why that picture happened:
Blair Scott: “Although, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a shrimp’s head.”
Are we still talking about food or sex now?
JS: LMAO food!
Blair Scott: Thread derailment successful.
Take that G W Bush!
And unlike his, yours actually was accomplished! Good job!
Blair Scott: Now I just need a picture of me on a flight deck with my little shrimp head.
JS: ROTFLMAO!!! You could always use photoshop for that!
Go do it now. I wanna see it!!
“Crime of Passion” sounds like something your Dominatrix would accuse you of before spanking your ass.
Gotta stop playing so much #GTA, it’s affecting my real life! At least I have car and home owner’s insurance! http://fb.me/2htG6irAm
My Internet is down! Nooooooooooooooo!!! This is how Zombiepocalypse starts.
Oooh, she’s a real redhead. Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?
Maybe the ACA lines wouldn’t be as busy if FOX reporters would stop calling it to test it.
Satan is just a horn in my side.
Gotta go to bed. I’m head-bobbing at my keyboard. The last time I did that I woke up with QWERTY on my cheek.
That helicopter was flying low enough that it shook my house. Thanks Obama!
Pepper Jack cheese in chili is awesome, but it does kinda make the chili look like vomit. Bon appétit!
Church in Alabama to raise 23-story cross. Six months from now we’ll all be speaking different languages again…. http://fb.me/1LIXLpplG
I know more atheists who converted to theism for a girlfriend than theology. Vagina: more powerful than gods.
I’d be more impressed with the KKK if they didn’t wear hoods. If you’re going to be a bigot, own up to that shit!
The firing range says I can’t use targets that depict humans. I guess I wasted that money on Miley Cyrus posters.
Agree to have sex with an entire up-and-coming band and #seetheworld for free!
I have my Be Secular shirt and Reason Rally hoodie on. I’m seculayered!
I keep hearing people talk about the plutocracy… but how is that possible since Pluto’s not a planet anymore?
Aimed for the trashcan, hit the side. Now there’s blueberry lemonade all over my kitchen floor. Thanks Obama!
I hereby pause the Internet for 8 hours while I sleep. That is all.
You know your sex life is bad when you have to give a Roofie to a blowup doll.
Critical Eye Podcast E039: Halloween Show with comedy guests Emery Emery, Mike Lee, and Pat O’Dude!
I’ve learned over the years that most cases of “FUCK YOU!” translate as, “I DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH!” Exceptions granted.
My aunt died in a ferocious penguin attack. That’s why I don’t watch Batman.
A prostitute asked me if I wanted to open Pandora’s Box. I was confused until she told me her name was Pandora.
As we drew closer I looked deep into the mosaic of your eyes. As they came into focus I realized I was looking at different colors of bullshit.
Relaxing to some Incubite! Well, maybe relaxing is the wrong word. Let’s just say my head’s flinging all over the place.