100 Cigarettes Walk Into A Bar…

So an online argument begins about smoking. It’s getting super heated. Names are being thrown around. Personal attacks combined with study and counter-study. The anger in the thread is blatant. So I decided to troll the thread with cigarette jokes. In Improv there is a game called “100.” You take any object and insert it into “100 [insert object here] walk into a bar…” The trick is to come up with as many as possible until you just can’t come up with any more. In Improv, they don’t have to be funny – the trick is to just be able to come up with something, anything, quickly and on the spot.

So here are my 100 cigarette jokes that I threw on the thread:

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Is it because we have really hot butts?”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “But we filter everything we say!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Quit staring at my hot ash!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “But we’re 100’s!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Oh, come on! We just got rolled into town!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Don’t make us separate into packs!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “You’re just blowing smoke up my ass, right?”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “We’ll just pack up and leave.”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Man, I’ve been carton these guys around all day!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Oh, this isn’t the Cough Inn?”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Who do you think you are to pipe up?”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “So you’re just going to put us out?”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar tender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “You’re an ashist!”

100 cigarettes walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar tender and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the cigarette says, “Whatever you ashole!”

UPDATE 10/25 @ 1554 CST: A fellow comedian pointed out that his Improv group does “101” and another emailed me to say they do “1,001.” Seems the number varies for different groups, and that’s cool, because the number is almost arbitrary and irrelevant. And I say almost because it can’t be just “1.” Making it two or more opens the jokes possible to groups and couples and multiples: giving the Improver a lot more flexibility in getting those brain juices flowing!

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