This week on Twitter (7/6 – 7/12): Not much longer and I’ll be all caught up!
The problem with religion is that the shepherd is also the wolf.
SFO stood its ground and crashed a 777, apparently it had a bag of Skittles. Wait.. I’m getting my news feed confused.
I’m waiting for the flood of Asian driver jokes. #Boeing777 #SFO
Having been in a place crash: to the survivors, I recommend a massage tomorrow. Seriously.
The problem with crashing #Asiana is that you feel like crashing again a few hours later.
Someone got a shitty fortune cookie today.
Redneck girls fighting Cuban-American girls on South Beach while wearing bikinis. #PricelessMiami
I’m a gamer. Don’t fight it. Grab my joystick and let’s play! #MessageToMyFutureSpouse
When I’m an asshole, it’s not your fault: it’s your Mom’s fault. #MessageToMyFutureSpouse
Thousands of ants in my car. They found an unopened butterscotch disc. Wish my smell was that good.
The Gregorian Gringo! #LessPopularWrestlers
Sir Hits-A-Lot! #LessPopularWrestlers
Chewie Kardashian! #LessPopularWrestlers
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy: he only has one hit. #LessPopularWrestlers
The lobbying power that metal coat hanger corporations have over the #GOP continues to amaze me!
Going to Monroe, Louisiana next week. That’s the comedy HQ of Louisiana, right?
LEGO Girls Gone Wild #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Zimmerman Trial #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Rodney King & the LA Riots #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Tora Bora #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Last Temptation of Christ #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Strippers Vs Zombies #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Hannibal Lecter #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Custer’s Last Stand #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Auschwitz #RejectedLegoKits #TooSoon
LEGO Terrorist Training Camp #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Spanish Inquisition #RejectedLegoKits
LEGO Exxon Valdez! #RejectedLegoKits
There’s the rain and… wait… wait… ah, there they are: the sirens of fire trucks, police, and medics.
I’ll be lubricating all my mail from now on.
While trimming the trees I had so many bugs on me that I felt like one of those kids in a UNICEF commercial.
You know, all things considered, the Asiana Airline crash had a happy ending.