This week on Twitter (7/13 – 7/19)

This week on Twitter (7/13 – 7/19): All caught up!

7/13

I think it’s convenient that churches and banks are named the same: First Bank and First Baptist. Peas in a pod!

After Zimmerman’s acquittal he went to the 7/11 and bought some Skittles.

Now that the Zimmerman trial is over, can we get some news on Iraq, Afghanistan, and everything else?

The Zimmerman jury stood its ground against justice or the prosecution didn’t stand its ground against reasonable doubt.

If I ever get in trouble with the law, I’m going to request a court martial, because my peers are fucking stupid.

7/14

On my way to Monroe, Louisiana. All my shots and immunizations are up-to-date, so I should be okay.

7/15

Next season of Glee may actually be worth watching.

Apparently this (Monroe, LA) is the home of Duck Dynasty. Well, that explains a lot.

#NameYourVaginaAfterASong Blasphemous Rumours (by Depeche Mode).

#NameYourVaginaAfterASong The Red (by Chevelle), well, at least once a month.

7/16

I’m surprised Monteith didn’t die of a Glee overdose.

I’d do heroine and alcohol until I died if I was 31-years-old and playing a 17-year-old high school kid.

I hear George Zimmerman just created an account on blackpeoplemeet.com. Anyone know if that’s true?

7/17

The preacher up the street souled out to the highest bidder.

7/18

Call it blasphemy, but I follow the facts: the Burger King rib sandwich is better than the McRib.

7/19

All my dreams last night involved me getting shot, stabbed, run over, in wrecks, falling, beat up, etc. Guess I should have drank more.

You’re beautiful #MarcusBachmann! #NationalTellAGirlSheIsBeautifulDay

#SexIsReallyGoodWhen you’re still cleaning the tapioca out three days later.

I celebrate #NationalTellAGirlSheIsBeautifulDay by staying inside because I’m not big on giving compliments.

Is it a coincidence that #NationalTellAGirlSheIsBeautifulDay also happens to be #NationalCheesyPickupLineDay ?

I need a massage so bad that I’ll even take one without a happy ending or even accept one from a dude.

Best trick of the Republicans: going so far right that the left is now Goldwater Republicans. Well played!

I bought carpenter jeans. They so soft and roomy! And now I can turn water into wine. Weird.

Maybe Zimmerman is a homophobe and just couldn’t handle Travyon tasting the rainbow…

Let’s fuck with liberals and conservatives at the same time: drone kill Zimmerman.

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