This week on Twitter (6/8 – 6/14)

This week on Twitter (6/8 – 6/14)

6/8

I must be going through MANopause: the Chamber of Secrets just made me tear up.

How come on the 40+ dating site I get returns for 20-year-olds? Talk about false advertising! Or did I join daddyissues.com?

6/9

99% of emails I get are Spam. Sure wish someone would email me a steak or two.

#SongsThatNeverGetOld – “Forever Young”

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf you weren’t duct-taped.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf you shop at Dollar General instead of Family Dollar.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf you think WalMart is cheap.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf you’ve never eaten Ramen noodles for over a week.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf you don’t understand the Hispanic hierarchy.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf the intersection of 2nd & Main hasn’t appealed to you a couple of times.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf prostitution wasn’t an option at your school’s career day.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf you never went to Communion just because you were hungry.

#YouDontKnowTheStruggleIf if talk about White Privilege didn’t make you realize how hungry you were for a cracker.

I’m convinced half the world’s recipes were created by poor people figuring how to match the crap in their cupboards.

It’s sunny and thundering. Hmm… guess I better check on the alien invasion.

Losing your friend to a cyclops knocking him off a cliff is bad enough, but losing all the supplies in his backpack is even worse.

6/10

#NewObamaAdministrationMotto “Still Left of the Right”

#NewObamaAdministrationMotto “Once You Go Barrack, You Never Go Back.”

#NewObamaAdministrationMotto “Drones: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

#NewObamaAdministrationMotto “Putting the Republican Back In Goldwater Republican.”

#NewObamaAdministrationMotto “At Least We’re Not the Rape Caucus.”

You can’t be mad at me for running into you if you materialize right in front of me. Stupid ghosts!

6/13

A Republican said something offensive about rape and women? That’s absurd, Republicans don’t do that! ;)

SCOTUS rules no patent of human genes. So much for that Biggus Dickus gene I was working on.

I aim to please… but sometimes I miss and get it on the tits.

6/14

Sitting here naked, covered in blood & tapioca, thinking, “It’s only 10:30? Now what am I supposed to do for another six and a half hours?”