This week on Twitter (2/22 – 3/1)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 2/22 to 3/1 (posted in order of Tweets).

2/22:

Bukakke Balls #RejectedCereals

Necrophiliabits #RejectedCereals

Cumquats #RejectedCereals

Dino Dongs #RejectedCereals

Dexter Splatter Bits #RejectedCereals

Too Good for Ethiopians #RejectedCereals

Rusty Wagon Wheels #RejectedCereals @ThatKevinSmith @RalphGarman

Rice KKKrispies #RejectedCereals

Bear Naked #RejectedCereals … oh wait, Kashi actually used that. Silly Kashi.

5/23:

The psych profiles of everyone in the laundromat lead me to one conclusion: I’m on the set of Winnie the Pooh.

If we are so opposed to eating horse meat, then why do we say, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse?”

christianmingle: boring women, hindumingle: Kama Sutra site, jewmingle: international banking, muslimmingle: blend in then press the button

5/24:

#Daytona500 making rednecks redneckier since 1959. Well, at least it teaches them one shape from geometry.

#YouDidntStartFromTheBottomIf your shit rolled down hill at all.

#YouDidntStartFromTheBottomIf you ever ate a Puddin’ Pop.

#YouDidntStartFromTheBottomIf your family had a color television before 1972.

Hollywood version of the Red Tent? #redcarpet

Thank you #Oscars2013 for letting me know which movies I won’t like and won’t watch!

Wait? Why isn’t #curbstomp trending after #TheWalkingDead?

5/26:

Trending on Twitter: #ThingsGirlsLike. Oh, that should go over like a 9-year-old cunt joke!

5/27:

Finished writing my new bits: New Gas Oven, Pink Palace, and Stinky Simon. Try them tonight at Coppertopia Comedy!

She’s on a mission to figure out why a few African-Americans actually support the Republican Party: on the next #DonnaBrazileMysteries

Yay! My Internet is back up! Mediacom works in mysterious ways, so says their manual, chapter 7, verses 5-6. Amen!

5/28:

I love that my new E-Cig flavor allows me to say, “I’m sucking on Vanilla Ice.”

Alright, who forgot to put milk on the list! #Budget2013

Veggies? We don’t need no veggies! Let’s just keep buying giant steaks! #Budget2013 #DefenseSpending

3/1:

Okay Facebook, just because I’m in a relationship doesn’t mean you can start advertising engagement rings on my page. Sheesh!

Pat Robertson has convinced me to stop buying used panties from Japan: they may have demons in them. #BatShitCrazyPeople

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