Sad Dr. Seuss

Sad Dr. Suess was trending on Twitter, so I felt obligated to contribute to the misery that was taking place.

Why do you cut yourself in such a way? Because the bullies call me gay. #SadDrSeuss

I didn’t wear a condom when I had sex. Now I fork out child support Checks. #SadDrSeuss

My father got to see men go to the moon. I got to see the bubble go boom. #SadDrSeuss

“Oh look at that beauty fire in the sky,” said the Brontosaurus before he died. #SadDrSeuss

I went go to dip it in the wick, but she said I had a little dick. #SadDrSeuss

I wanted my country to go far, but we kept electing Republitards. #SadDrSeuss

I wanted to roll on waves on a ship, but only had a Triumph rolling in shit. #SadDrSeuss

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s a drone! Now I have no home. #SadDrSeuss

I went to a priest for advice on a guilt trip, but he gave me more than a tip. #SadDrSeuss

I made a wish on a Hollywood star, now I’m in jail for taking stalking too far. #SadDrSeuss

Went to Los Angeles to check out the scene and was accidentally shot by the LAPD. #SadDrSeuss

At the airport stall that guy’s foot was over the edge, luckily it was just Larry Craig. #SadDrSeuss

Found out I was adopted by another, so I put a request for likes on Facebook asking, “Are you my Mother?” #SadDrSeuss

I saw that guy Rodney King get beat. And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street . #SadDrSeuss

She said my tongue was in the know then told me, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” #SadDrSeuss

Last month I didn’t put a condom on my tip, now I’ve got the horrible drip. #SadDrSeuss

Oh the stories you will tell when at night they close the cell. Behind the bars with guards away, oh the gay games we will play. #SadDrSeuss

Religious morality they tried to sell by telling me I’d go to hell. But logic showed a better way to engage the world and behave. #SadDrSeuss

One fist, two fist, three fist, four, oh you’re such a dirty whore. #SadDrSeuss

Turns out The Onion had to punt for calling a nine-year-old girl a cunt. #SadDrSeuss

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One comment on “Sad Dr. Seuss

  1. […] Sad Dr. Seuss occurred on 3/1 as well. […]

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