God’s Billboards

There is a new epidemic sweeping across America. It started in Florida along the I-95 a few years ago and is now moving across the nation. This epidemic is God’s billboards.

Keep you eyes on the road!

We have all seen them in one shape or another plastered on telephone polls, windows, cars, and other places. There has been a more recent surge of actual highway billboards and the new “witty” billboards. These new billboards are funny and cute, doubly so for an atheist who sees both sides of the humor. If you have not seen these billboards, they are black with white writing on them. They have a statement in quotations followed by – God (as if he is making the statement).

Here is a listing of all the “actual” billboards that are out there under the new format:

“What part of ‘Thou Shall Not’ didn’t you understand?” – God
“Loved the wedding. Invite me to the marriage.” – God
“Will the road you’re on get you to my place?” – God
“C’mon over and bring the kids.” – God
“Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer.” – God
“Big Bang theory – you’ve got to be kidding.” – God
“We need to talk.” – God
“You think it’s hot here!” – God
“My way is the highway.” – God
“Those were commandments, not suggestions.” – God
“Don’t make me come down there!” – God
“Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test.” – God
“I love you and you and you and you and…” – God
“Follow me.” – God
“Tell the Kids I love them.” – God
“I don’t question your existence.” – God
“Do you have any idea where you’re going?” – God
“That ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ thing… I meant it.” – God
“Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game.” – God
“Need directions?” – God
“I need to be in school.” – God

As you can see, they are funny (especially for an atheist) and rather cute. So a few of my friends and I decided to come up with our own billboards to go up alongside these. I hope you enjoy them as much as we enjoyed making them.

There is more to come! If you would like to submit an entry for God’s Billboards then please do not hesitate to do so. I will give you the proper credit on this page.

Newer entries are at the bottom.
“Have faith. Let go of the wheel and close your eyes – I will provide.” – God
Submitted by: Blair Scott

“The Devil made me do it!” – God
Submitted by: Blair Scott

“I haven’t been laid in 2000 years!” – God
Submitted by: Blair Scott

“Darwin was right.” – God
Submitted by: Blair Scott

“Do you believe? Drive off the next cliff and see if you’re right.” – God
Submitted by: Blair Scott

“I’m as real as the Easter Bunny.” – God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“Because I said so, that’s why!” – God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“I let my son be crucified. Why do you think I care about you?” -God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“If I really wanted to talk to you, why would I resort to a billboard?” – God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“Stop bugging me.” – God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“Sleep in on Sunday mornings.” – God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“Note to all you athletes: I don’t watch sports.” – God
Submitted by: J. Smith

“You aren’t responsible for your actions, Jesus is.” – God
Submitted by: Snippet

“Worship me, or I’ll torture you forever.” – God
Submitted by: Snippet

“Do what I say or I’m taking my universe and going home.” – God
Submitted by: Lance F.

“If you love someone, threaten to burn them in hell for eternity.” – God
Submitted by: Lance F.

“An apple a day leads to death and suffering.” – God
Submitted by: Lance F.

“Don’t blame me. My budget was cut.” – God
Submitted by: Mizake

“…and did I mention that I’ve recently become a Buddhist?” – God
Submitted by: Mizake

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” – God
Submitted by: Mizake

“Hitler? Stalin? Pol Pot? Pah. Amateurs.” – God
Submitted by: Mizake

(Billboard #1)
“Q: What do Dennis Rodman and I have in common?” – God
(Billboard #2 about a mile down the road)
“A: We both have slept with a Madonna.” – God
Submitted by: Gonzo

“So who’s this God guy anyway?” – Zeus
Submitted by: M. Rubins

“Free – lifetime supply of SPF 666 suntan lotion.” – Satan
Submitted by: Katyana

“Don’t do as I do, do as I say.” – God
Submitted by: Rara Avisi

“Who said the talking monkeys get into Heaven?” – God
Submitted by: Beelzebub

“We apologize for the inconvenience.” – God
Submitted by: M. Rubins

“That part about “Women, be submissive”? I meant that.” – God
Submitted by: Frank K.

“You think YOU’RE a victim of child abuse?” – Jesus
Submitted by: Snippet

“Thou shall have no other gods before me.” – Allah
Submitted by: Snippet

“I could prove my existence, but then nobody would get to go to hell.” – God
Submitted by: Snippet

“That part about rabbits chewing cud, I meant that.” – God
Submitted by: Snippet

“Men!” – God’s Wife
Submitted by: Snippet

“Having sex? I’m watching.” – God
Submitted by: Jodi

“Remember that ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ thing? I meant it in the platonic sense.” – God
Submitted by: Gonzo

“With me AND the dog watching, I’m surprised you two can do it at all…” – God
Submitted by: Gonzo

“Hell is cruel and unusual punishment.” – Man
Submitted by: Snippet

“Love means forgiving even those who don’t worship you.” – Man
Submitted by: Icky

“For I so loved the world that I sacrificed Myself to Myself to appease My own anger at My own creation.” – God
Submitted by: Icky

“AIDS, Ebola, influenza, down’s syndrome, hay fever, measles, leukemia, blindness, and baldness. My oh-so Intelligent Design.” – God
Submitted by: Icky

“My chosen people have already been chosen, sorry.” – God
Submitted by: Icky

“I only had one kid – why should you have any more?” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“The Council of Nicea was wrong.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“Damn you.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“Go bug Allah for a change.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“The only book I inspired in the Bible is Ecclesiastes.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“Did I ever tell you that I’m an atheist?” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“That ‘praying in the closet’? I meant that.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“Actually, no – my son was Mithras.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“Rapture? It’s not happening.” – God
Submitted by: Liz7

“Don’t ask ME for help. YOU invented me!” – God
Submitted by: David Fox

“Go to Hell.” – God
Submitted by: Alexa

“April Fool!” – God
Submitted by: Mark Boyd

“I’m a good example, of a bad parent.” – God
Submitted by: Kittycrazy

“I love a good barbecue!” – Satan
Submitted by: Kittycrazy

“That “smash thy little ones” bit? I meant that.” – God
Submitted by: Zavijava

“Remember: it’s all Eve’s fault.” – God
Submitted by: Zavijava

“I made Satan and I made the serpent, but what the heck, I’ll blame you anyway!” – God
Submitted by: Zavijava

“Holocaust? That’s nothing. I caused the Flood.” – God
Submitted by: Zavijava

“Sunday? The seventh day is Saturday! Can’t you people count?” – God
Submitted by: Zavijava

“Just kidding!” – God
Submitted by: Zavijava

(Billboard #1)
“I didn’t write that book.” – God
(Billboard #2 one mile down the road)
“I didn’t either.” – Satan
(Billboard #3 one mile down the road)
“There was a book?” – Jesus
(Billboard #4 one mile down the road)
“I’m waiting for the movie.” – Man
Submitted by: Kittycrack

“Keep your eyes on the road, idiot!” – Satan
Submitted by: Baker

“If you look in the rear-view mirror I’ll turn you into a pillar of salt.” – God
Submitted by: Icky

“Eternity is a little boring these days.” – God
Submitted by: Derek Mack

“I need to get in touch with my feminine side.” – God
Submitted by: Derek Mack

“Tithe – How else can I pay for these billboards?” – God
Submitted by: Derek Mack

“For god so loved the world that whosoever would believeth in him would believeth in anything.” – Paul
Submitted by: Wormhole

“If there isn’t a God then what makes corn kernels pop? Huh? Huh? That’s what I thought!” – God
Submitted by: Hannay

“If you don’t worship me, I’ll force you to live in a lake of fire for eternity. But I love you. No, really…” – God
Submitted by: Adam Butler

“Honk if you love transcendental meditation!” – God
Submitted by: Adam Butler

“Thou shalt not make stupid billboards proclaiming to know the very mind of God.” – God
Submitted by: Adam Butler

“I’ll be seeing you, and you, and you… yes, you too.” – Satan
Submitted by: Emily

“Oh, a holiday near the Winter Solstice, how original!” – Ancient Pagans
Submitted by: Emily

“Intelligent design? What fun would that be?” – God
Submitted by: Emily

“Anyone remember the second commandment? Idols, graven images, etc. Hello? Am I talking to myself here?” – Jehovah
Submitted by: Emily

“Father, why have you forsaken me?” – Jesus
Submitted by: KSAgnostic

“We need rational proof, not mythology” – Man
Submitted by: Tiemen

“I like riddles. Finished the bible yet?” – God
Submitted by: Tiemen

“I need a vacation!” – God
Submitted by: Zachary

“Why not go to earth it’s the best planet you created.” – Angel Gabriel
Submitted by: Zachary

“For the rest of eternity I will never go back to Earth. 2000 years ago I had a one night stand and those humans are still talking about it!” – God
Submitted by: Zachary

“All this time you thought I cared?” – God
Submitted by: Yutt

“Shh. I’m thinking of ways to punish you after you die.” – God
Submitted by: Yutt

“Evidence? Who needs it?” – God
Submitted by: Yutt

“You guys are just so gullible.” – God
Submitted by: Yutt

“Evil? I didn’t create it! It was… um… err… never mind.” – God
Submitted by: Jarno

“Damn! Forgot about the dinosaurs… well, it’ll do.” – God (Upon completing the Bible)
Submitted by: Jarno

“Creation in six days; now why didn’t I think of that!” – God
Submitted by: Jarno

“I mean, now it’s Bible there, Bible here… can’t they take a joke?” – God
Submitted by: Gatorboy Mike

“My dad could beat up your dad.” – Jesus
Submitted by: Gatorboy Mike

“Sssssmokin’!” – Satan
Submitted by: Gatorboy Mike

“Those child abuse hot lines always make me laugh.” – Jesus
Submitted by: Gatorboy Mike

“Big Bang? Here, pull my finger.” – God
Submitted by: JRE

“There’s no sex in Heaven” – God
Submitted by: Rob

“Have you seen my website, http://www.HomeMadeExplosives.com?” – Allah
Submitted by: Andy M.

“One false move and I’ll turn you into a pillar of salt! Yeah, salt! No, wait, pepper. Yeah, pepper. No wait! Horseradish! A pillar of horseradish, yeah… ” – God
Submitted by: Andy M.

“I am a figment of your imagination.” – God
Submitted by: Roger C.

“When both sides ask me to help them win a war, I usually flip a coin.” – God
Submitted by: Roger C.

“My father who aren’t in Heaven.” – Jesus
Submitted by: Angela

“My Goddess can beat up your God!” – Priestess
Submitted by: Joy W.

“If I’m omniscient, can I make a billboard so obtuse that even I can’t understand it?” – God
Submitted by: Rhonda W.

“Jesus is coming again!” – Mary Magdalene
Submitted by: MaryJane N.

“Blessed are the self righteous, for they are their own God.” – Your God Here
Submitted by: Andy M.

“I haven’t had sex in 2000 years. And then it was with my own mother!” – God
Submitted by: Hermes

“Jesus is coming, look busy!” – Man
Submitted by: Hermes

“Thou shalt… kill!” – The Bible
Submitted by: Anonymous

“Kiss my ass and I’ll give you a million dollars.” – Hank
Submitted by: Tom S.

“I know the bible is full of mistakes, but I hope to have them fixed in Bible version 2.0” – God
Submitted by: Tom S.

“I went to Heaven and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.” – Satan
Submitted by: Ryan C.

“Zeus got Greek Philosophy. Ra got the Great Pyramids. I get 101 Jew Jokes.” – Yahweh
Submitted by: Ryan C.

“Christian: I’ll pray for you. Atheist: I’ll think for you.” – Freethinkers
Submitted by: Ryan C.

“Gandhi, Ingersoll, Paine, Jefferson, and Franklin went to Hell. Criminals that asked my forgiveness went to Heaven. Where will you go?” – God
Submitted by: M Thomas

“When did my family values become any of your damn business?” – Mankind
Submitted by: Tomar

“Witches died for your Christian sins” – God
Submitted by: Tomar

“Native Americans died for your Christian sins” – God
Submitted by: Tomar

“Religion by choice, not force!” – Humanity
Submitted by: Tomar

“Jesus was a bastard & Mary was an unwed teenage mother.” – Man
Submitted by: Tomar

“Love thy First Amendment” – Americans
Submitted by: Tomar

“Dianetics? Of course! What too you so long?” – God
Submitted by: Breakerslion

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